by Dave Moore, CISSP
12/19/2021
How did Mary and Joseph know Jesus’ weight when he was born? They had a weigh in a manger…
What goes, “Oh, oh, oh?” Santa walking backwards. How will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit? No Brussels.
Who is a Christmas tree’s favorite singer? Spruce Springsteen!
Seriously, folks, the Holidays can be a stressful time. While they are supposed to be a time of joy, goodwill and thanksgiving, for many people the Holidays are “a time filled with sadness, self-reflection, loneliness, and anxiety,” according to WebMD.com. The Mayo Clinic notes that, “Stress and depression can ruin your holidays and hurt your health.”
While I am no trained doctor, there is one medicine I am sure of: laughter. Fortunately, the Internet is full of laughter-inducing items relating to the Holidays, especially Christmas. Jokes, cartoons and Christmas goofiness have special places on the Internet, and can be a fun way to keep the right mood for everyone.
What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus! Drum riff, cymbal crash, ha ha! Goofy jokes, dumb jokes and down-right hilarious jokes are easy to find on the Internet. Just go to Google and search for “Christmas jokes.” See what I mean? If you want to broaden your horizons, search for specific types of Christmas jokes.
Want Viking Christmas jokes? The Internet’s got them. “One night a Viking named Rudolph the Red was looking out the window when he said, ‘It’s going to rain.’ His wife asked, ‘How do you know?’ ‘Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.’” Doh!
Maybe dumb Christmas jokes are just not your thing. In that case, search for more intellectual humor, such as Lawyer Christmas Jokes. You’ll be rewarded with gems like, “The Supreme Court ruled there cannot be a Nativity scene in Washington, D.C. this Christmas. This isn’t for any religious or constitutional reason, they simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the nation’s capitol. There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.” Woah!
Still not clever enough for you? Try this one: “What do you call Santa’s little helpers? Subordinate Clauses.” Or, getting even deeper, on a more Brainiac 5 level, “The Higgs boson particle walks into a church on Christmas Eve. The priest says, ‘We don’t allow Higgs bosons in here.’ The Higgs boson says, ‘But without me how can you have Midnight Mass?'”
OK, I’m sure Michio Kaku got that one right away, but I must admit, I did not get it until my brain started rewinding the many Discovery and Science Channel shows I’ve seen over the years about string theory, quantum mechanics and the Large Hadron Collider. Google the joke if you need more information. I don’t know, folks, I’ve always maintained that if your jokes require explaining at the end, they aren’t really that funny.
More light-hearted Christmas humor can be had with Christmas cartoons. My all-time favorites are from the world’s greatest cartoon humorist, Gary Larson, inventor of “The Far side” cartoon series. Search for Gary Larson Christmas cartoons and you’ll see what I mean (Santa sitting in front of a typewriter, working on a document titled, “Nine Ways To Serve Venison”).
Sharing Christmas videos (in person, not using Facebook) can be a great family experience. I highly recommend you visit youtube.com and take a look at one of the funniest, quirkiest (and slightly bizarre) Christmas music videos of all times: search for Gayla Peevey The Christmas Hippo Song.
Peevey, who was born in Oklahoma City, performed the song on the Ed Sullivan Show in 1953, at the age of 10. In a 2007 radio interview, Peevey explained that a local Oklahoma promoter picked up on the popularity of the song and launched a campaign to present her with a real hippopotamus on Christmas. The campaign succeeded, and she was presented with an actual hippopotamus, which she donated to the Oklahoma City Zoo.
Versions of the song were subsequently recorded by The Three Stooges, Captain Kangaroo, Captain & Tennille, The Jonas Brothers, Sesame Street’s Big Bird (with Anne Hathaway), Gretchen Wilson, and LeAnn Rimes, among others.
You will not be disappointed. The national 1953 Ed Sullivan television performance includes hysterical lyrics like, “There’s lots of room for him (the Hippo) in our two-car garage. I feed him there, and wash him there, and give him his massage.” No kidding.
The Internet is a tool. Use it to find some holiday humor, and help kill the holiday blues.
Dave Moore, CISSP, has been fixing computers in Oklahoma since 1984. Founder of the non-profit Internet Safety Group Ltd., he also teaches Internet safety community training workshops. He can be reached at 405-919-9901 or www.internetsafetygroup.org